GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
