When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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