You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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