so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
