If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
