Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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