just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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