and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
