Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
