you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
