when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
