I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
