wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
