for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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