dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
