i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
