ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
