so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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