I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
