Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
