you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
