tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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