I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
