I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
