dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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