It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
