Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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