i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I love having hate sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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