I cannot find my penis.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
