Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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