I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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