I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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