Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
