remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
