k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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