I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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