Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
