party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pants are for mortals
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
