I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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