Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
