i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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