I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
