Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
