This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
