not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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