My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to make out with him forever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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