just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
only you would photoshop your dick
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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