During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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