I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
