his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
