he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
