who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltđ
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesnât say âIâm in love with you and want to marry youâ idk what does
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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